THE BOOB TUBE
06/09/2010 • Filed Under Diet Life, Past Life • No Comments | Leave a Comment »
It amazes me that the National Institutes of Health and government agencies spend millions every year on research to determine this: Kids who spend more time in front of television, computer and video screens decrease their physical activity levels therefore increasing their body weights. Well DUH! Pretty obvious, don’t ya think? Why couldn’t they just ask me?
I’m pretty sure television and movies (and my love of them) played a major role in ”my increased body weight”. Let’s face it. It contributed to my obesity. It helped make me FAT. There, I said it.
Man, I loved me some TV. And I still do. The day we stopped having to turn the knob to change channels probably made my top 10 list. Actually, that’s not true. But it sure was nice. I could lay on the couch, eat potato chips, chew my Little League Gum and not move all day. Those were the good ‘ol days. I’m still not sure how my brother ended up thin. I have literally watched him eat 6 whole cheese sandwiches back-to-back with 2 or 3 pieces of cheese on each one. High metabolism, maybe? Perhaps my biological parents were obese. They say genetics play a big role in future body weight. Okay, I know…I’m not adopted. Let a girl dream!
Needless to say, I had alot of favorite TV shows growing up. I can probably recite quotes from about every show and remember the most insignificant details. What a waste of time, right? No. If ever selected for Jeopardy and the categories were ACTORS AND SINGERS, SONG LYRICS, TV SHOWS FROM THE 70s and 80s, POP CULTURE REFERENCES, FAST FOOD, or FAMOUS CARTOON CHARACTERS, I would kick butt! Alex Trebek would be amazed by my greatness. Just sayin’.
So, here’s a short list of some of my faves. I have included descriptions for all of you who were active kids whos parents didn’t own a TV because they were afraid it would rot your brains. (LOSERS) I highly recommend you rent the boxed sets for these.
LAND OF THE LOST. Marshall, Will and Holly on a routine expedition…My all time favorite TV show. EVER. I will admit-To the novice TV watcher, this show could be a tad bit confusing. Basically you had a family crossover into a different dimension. This dimension was a prehistoric land with big, scary dinosaurs. The family made friends with a ‘local’. He was a little monkey kid/boy? named Cha-Ka. He did a lot of grunting and pointing. I don’t think he knew English. The strangest part was even though they were in prehistoric times, the technology of the Sleestak people was quite amazing. Sleestaks were human-like/reptile creatures who harassed Marshall, Will and Holly. They had these pods or portholes that housed colored crystals. I’m not sure of the purpose of the crystals but the humans would sneak into the portholes and start rearranging the crystals. Pretty high tech, don’t ya think? The creators of the show were probably on drugs. Whatever. I love it!
Kids Incorporated. K.I.D.S. My cousin, Kelly (the opera singer) and I loved to watch this show! Basically, the show revolved around some really hip teenagers that could sing and dance. I think they tried to play instruments too. It looked fake. I’m sure the show was suppose to teach valuable moral lessons. I just liked the singing and dancing. Oh, and Fergie was on there (before she was Fergie). And so was Jennifer Love Hewitt.
HAPPY DAYS. “Aaaaayyyy!” The Fonz. Happy Days came on shortly after we got off the school bus. I guess Potsie was my favorite. Richie (Ron Howard) reminded me so much of Opie. Okay, so I knew he was Opie. I live in Mayberry for God’s sake! I lost interest in Happy Days when Fonzie jumped the shark. And the phrase “jumping the shark” was born. Basically that means the moment a TV show starts to really suck and it has no future.
THE BRADY BUNCH. I really only liked this show because I got to see the dynamics of another family with multiple siblings. Somehow everything worked out in the end. The parents were so calm and understanding. It was clear they were actors. Real parents don’t act that way. 
The “House of Cards” episode was a real nail-biter. I was on my seat the whole time. Dang that Tiger! By-the-way, who names a dog Tiger? Sadly, I lost interest in this show when the family went to Hawaii, found the tiki, a taurantula climbed into beach bag…Ughhh…I can’t talk about it. Jumped the shark.
ALF. Alien Life Form. He was a furry creature from another planet. Alf took up shack with a nice suburban family and was a huge trouble maker. He loved to eat cats and had some of the best disguises. Not really.
The Muppet Show. Miss Piggy. Kermit the Frog. Fozie (wacka wacka wacka). Gonzo. All great puppets. Because I was fat and Miss Piggy was someone that may be a good role model for me, my aunt Tammy and her future husband Randy bought me a lovely Miss Piggy poster to hang over my bed. My sister got a Barry Gibb poster. Hmm…Hey, did you know Miss Piggy knew karate? I only wished I had learned. sigh
Dukes of Hazzard. My sister always called dibs on Bo Duke (the blonde) so I was stuck with the less cute one, Luke. While Luke was more level-headed, Bo was cooler because he mostly drove the General Lee. However, it was Luke that slid across the hood. I once tried to crawl through the window of the car without opening the door. It did not turn out so well. I thought I cracked a rib but never told anyone. The embarassment would have been worse.
THE INCREDIBLE HULK. The 70s one, not the newer movies. They confused me. Nothing like the original. David Banner was a loner. I always felt so sorry for him. Plus, my mom said all hitchhikers were trash who would murder you if you picked one up. I never did. Chill out! But I knew David Banner was a good guy. Well, except when he was under stress. Then he turned into a big green man/monster with super strength. Maybe I over analyzed this, but where do you think he got those extra clothes? Must have been expensive.
Gee. There were so many. Here’s a few honorable mentions.
WONDER TWINS. (Wonder Twins Powers, Activate!), Wonder Woman (i have a story about my underoos later), A-TEAM, Joanie loves Chachi (my brother hated this show-more about that later), Knight Rider, Magnum PI, Miami Vice, Growing Pains…so many more!
Oh, wait! One more. WHAT’S HAPPENING. Raj was the cool kid. My sister got to be him. I had to be Re-Run, the fat kid. Shocked? Me neither. The Doobie Brothers once made a cameo on the show. We thought it would be cool the call ourselves The Doobie Sisters. We later found out DOOBIE was slang for marijuana. Nice. The names stuck. People must wonder why 2 grown women call each other Doobie. Who cares.
Speaking of Re-Runs…I gotta go. The boob tube is calling my name!
Peanut Butter.
