Just so you know, I’m blaming the insomnia on my caffeine consumption. I usually drink caffeine to get me through the day. Maybe I went overboard just a bit. Regardless, I did not fall asleep at all.  AT ALL!  Not all is lost. While I am extremely tired from getting NO sleep, it was amazing to witness the things I typically sleep right through!

In one night (and one very early morning), I made several observations and wanted to share. I’m sure most of you sleep through the night- probably because you are much better at monitoring your caffeine consumption that me.  So….here ya go…

OBSERVATION #1. First, let me say that Hollywood special effects have come a long way! I watched ‘Earth vs. the Spider’ (1958).  I tuned in about 20 minutes late, but I’m pretty sure I understood the plot. Giant spider runs amok, terrorizing small town. I’ll bite. I started watching-AND WATCHED THE ENTIRE MOVIE! Okay, EARTH vs. the SPIDER is a bit of a stretch. It was more like ‘a few high school kids and their science teacher’ vs. ‘Giant FAKE Spider’ but, whatever. Normally I’m not a big fan of B&W movies, but I was sucked in. The movie was cheesy-real cheesy. But, I watched it. And, I LAUGHED! Horror? Not so much. Comedy? Yes. Absolutely! Once it was over, I sat for quite awhile wondering-Do spiders really make noise? Have I never noticed since the spiders I normally come in contact with are relatively small in comparison to the spider on TV? So, I GOOGLED it. (embarrassed). Nope. Not a sound. They don’t even have vocal cords. I spent the next 10 minutes pissed off. That was the only thing even remotely scary about that dang spider!

OBSERVATION #2. Montel Williams, former crying talk show host, is a ALL OVER late-night television. First, I found this remarkable because I honestly thought he was dead. I swear, I really did. Second, apparently he will endorse just about anything. I was only channel surfing but over the course of the night (and early morning) I ran across 3 different infomercials with him hosting. DogPedic, Abcoaster and some kind of pain relief spray. I guess for a dead man, he is still in demand. Good for him.  Oh, I forgot.  He was also endorsing some kind of drink, uh, maybe it was a blender?

OBSERVATION #3.  Jimmy Fallon is so cute.  I want to pinch him.

OBSERVATION #4. People really do watch infomercials and sometimes the person who watches the infomercial gets so starry-eyed thinking the product being sold would make life so much easier and would save so much money in the long run and the product would save her so much time and her house would sparkly after she used it and she could toss out 10 of her current appliances which would save space and make her popular with all the other moms and……..uh, yes. I bought it. Shut up. In my defense, they did cut my total in-half and gave me free shipping. And since I was one of the first 250 callers, they also included a special gift valued at $99.99. What a deal, right?

OBSERVATION #5. Music videos still exist. Crazy, huh? It’s been years since I’ve seen a real music video. But, staying up all night, I actually got to see one. Strangely, it was not on MTV (the MUSIC TELEVISION channel). It was on FUSE. It was also a crappy song of an artist I have never heard of. Yes, I watched it.

OBSERVATION #6. There is an entire shopping channel dedicated to knives-KNIVES TV. Don’t be fooled. People watch it (other than me, of course). Oh, and there are really people dumb dedicated enough to spend $269 for a 6 pack of Dale Earnhardt Collector’s Edition Pocket Knives.  And no, this is not what I purchased.  I promise.

OBSERVATION #7.  You no longer have to watch Cinemax to watch really trashy stuff.  Tune into Cartoon Network after 10 PM.  WOW.  I’m 36.  I felt a little dirty after watching 5 minutes of one of the cartoons.  Gross.

OBSERVATION #8.  Carson Daly looks weird.  Also, I suggest canceling his show.  It sucks.

OBSERVATION #9.  Suze Orman likes leather jackets. This requires some explanation. Alright, I love her! I really do. She has lots of great advice, most of which I totally ignore (for lack of discipline personal reasons). Several episodes of her show aired back-to-back. Maybe it was a Suze Orman marathon. Anyway, each time I stopped channel surfing to listen to her financial advice, I couldn’t help but notice-a different leather jacket each time. It’s a good think she has a strong personality (and she’s in Oprah’s inner circle) or her choice in attire would be so distracting, people would not take her seriously. But, I do love her.  She’s one cool lesbian with a very high credit score!

Please excuse any typos or misspellings.  After all, I’ve been up for 2 straight days!

P.S.  I bet you are DYING to know what I bought.  Wanna take a guess?